The Dark Side of Jealousy
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: sequel to dark side of the moon. “Goodbye, Remus.” She opened the door and stepped out into the cold. Suddenly, she turned. “I just wish you would let me love…” Her voice caught in her throat, and she left. Will Remus let go of Tonks for good?


The last girl and the last reason to make this last  
for as long as I could  
the first kiss and the first time that I felt connected  
to anything  
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything  
I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered  
to me was love -Snow Patrol- Make this go on Forever

~0~

Let's get one thing straight: I am not a jealous person. Not usually, anyway.

And yet I was jealous of all of them. I was envious beyond belief. And I hated myself for it. But they could make her smile; they could make her _talk,_ for Pete's sake. When she looked at me, all I could see was pain- pain that I had caused.

Like I said, I'm not a jealous person. Not really. I'm just horribly infatuated with the one person I can never be with. This, as I'm sure you could imagine, is really quite troublesome. Doubly so with Dora, because she didn't understand. She didn't see the world the way I did. To her, the world was split into good people and Death eaters, and those dolts at the ministry. The world I had been living in till she came along was a lot greyer. Being discriminated against on a daily basis does that to people. But what reason would anyone have to discriminate against her? There wasn't one, and so she could never truly understand what I went through, and what it would do to her if we stayed together.

So, she remained stubbornly obtuse, refusing to see what I told her. And I was made to be the bad guy- everyone was telling me how ridiculous I was being, no one saw what I was saving her from. No one saw that I was saving her from a life of misery and hate. And if they did, they really didn't care.

"Get over it, Remus. She has." Moody had said gruffly to me one night at dinner, when Dora had scampered as soon as I had arrived.

You don't just get over something like Lycanthropy! None of them know how it is, when you've lived your whole life being treated like an animal… when someone treats me kindly, I automatically go into defensive mode. Dora was no different- she just knew how to get through my defences. And for the first time, I'd let my guard down, and I had been played.

But now I was beginning to think that maybe I had done the wrong thing, at the wrong time. Leaving had been too much for her on top of Sirius' death. I felt guilty every time I saw her- knowing that the lack of her metamorphmaging was due to what I had done. I found it hard to believe it had affected her that badly- unless she really did lo-

No. no, she didn't love me. She couldn't. So I shouldn't try and convince myself otherwise… should I?

Molly had invited me to dinner again, and I knew why. I knew she'd invited Dora as well, and she'd force her to come, no matter how morose she was. This was set to be a "Fun" evening. I really, really didn't want to go… but it was bad manners to decline after I had already accepted. So, sighing, I put down my book and pulled on my cloak, teeth chattering as I locked the door behind me and set off for the apparition point.

Turning in the darkness, I landed at the top of the gravely lane that led to the burrow. Drawing my scanty cloak closer, I walked into the fierce wind, my heart beating faster with every step. Why did the thought of seeing Dora again make me anxious? I desperately wanted her to have moved on, yet knowing that she wouldn't have raised a small bubble of hope in my chest. Ashamed as I was of that thought, I couldn't help bouncing up to the front door, and I was grinning manically as I declared myself.

Molly opened the door, ushering me inside. "It's so good to see you again Remus! We haven't seen you here in a while! Unfortunately Bill and Fleur can't make it, but Tonks and Kinglsey are here." She smiled at me, and I nodded absently, craning my neck over the small crowd in the living room until I caught Dora's eye. She was staring daggers at me- I was guessing she hadn't been told that I would be here. I made my way through the crowd, murmuring greetings as I passed, eventually reaching Dora, where she was standing with Kingsley and Mad-eye. She scowled at me.

"Remus, how are you?" Kingsley asked.

"I'm okay, how are you all keeping?"

"Fantastically." Tonks said sarcastically, winding a long strand of mousy brown hair around her finger.

"Um… oh, Alastor look, there's Arthur, lets go see how he's doing at work now… see you two later." Kingsley said loudly. Alastor muttered in agreement, limping after him, leaving me with Dora, and a rather uncomfortable silence.

"You look well." I said.

She raised an eyebrow, and I cringed. It had seemed like a nice thing to say… I don't think she would have appreciated "Oh, you've lost a lot of weight since I last saw you, and what's with the brow hair?"

"Well I'm not." She said stiffly. "I'm rather pissed off, at the moment. My nights just been ruined. Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome." I said coolly. She scowled again. "Look, cant we just put this behind us, and at least be civil with one another?" I implored.

"I am being civil." She said through clenched teeth. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair, looking away. She sat in an overstuffed armchair, and I sat opposite on the smaller couch. She stared off into the distance, all pretence now gone. I hadn't realized how drained she was. Her skin had an unhealthy glow to it, and there were huge bags beneath her eyes.

"This really blows, you know." She muttered.

"Sorry." I automatically apologized. She looked up, eyes flashing.

"Don't bother apologising; it's not as if you've done anything. I mean, it's not like you just broke up with me for completely non-existent reasons or anything. In fact, I should be the one apologising!"

"What? No-"

"No Remus, I'm sorry. Really, I am." She stood. "I'm sorry that you broke up with me."

With that and with eyes filling with tears she stormed off upstairs. I stared up at the spot where she had been, all too aware of everyone staring at me in silence. Finally, someone started talking again, and they all turned away. I sighed, dragging my hand down my face. That hadn't gone as planned at all.

I stood, planning to step outside, only to find myself confronted with a red faced angry Molly. Crap.

"Kitchen. Now." She hissed. I was in for a real telling off, I knew it.

Dora was sitting at the table, red eyes staring fixedly on her boots. Molly pointed at the seat opposite her. Frowning, I pulled the chair out, watching Dora. She seemed determined not to acknowledge my presence.

"You are going to talk to each other, and you are going to figure this out. Got it? I've had enough of this- do you know how irritated I am, Remus?" I winced as she turned her fury to me. "I have to comfort this distraught girl every time you do something wrong- and quite frankly, I have to agree with Tonks when she says you have taken leave of your senses."

"You don't understand, if we-"

"Don't you think I would have thought about that, Remus?" Tonks interrupted me, finally looking up. "I don't say that I don't care because I don't know! I mean it!"

"And I mean it when I say that I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous for you! If I forget to take the wolfsbane, if I cant get any… I refuse to put you in mortal danger, Nymphadora!" I hoped the use of her first name might bring her to her senses. Unfortunately, it only gave her more angst to fuel her argument.

"I'm an auror, Remus! A bloody auror! I put myself in danger on a daily basis!" she was yelling now, and had jumped to her feet. I jumped to mine too.

"All the more reason for you not to come home to it as well!"

"You're being stupid!" she cried.

"I'm being reasonable! This is reality Dora- this sort of thing just isn't accepted!"

She raised an eyebrow. "So now it's about what everyone thinks? Well, let's ask Molly? Does she accept us?"

"I've told you all along that you've been taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus." Molly said.

"You see?" Tonks said triumphantly. "It's only you that has a problem with it."

I shook my head. "What about Umbridge? Your pal Dawlish wasn't very impressed either." I pointed out.

"But they're both narrow minded ass-"

"And so is the majority of the wizarding population!" I said sadly.

She scowled. "I still don't care what anyone says. I don't care about the age difference, I don't care that you have no money, and I don't care about your Lycanthropy! Don't you see?" she strode around the table, grabbing my shirt in her fist. Her face was a mere centimetre or two away…

"I love you."

I flinched. She didn't mean it. She couldn't… looking at her as she dropped my shirt, I could tell I was vexing her with the way I was acting. Hell, I was vexing myself. I wasn't sure why I was still resisting her. Only a small, sensible part of my brain was telling me to- where as the rest of me- the part of me that had been largely influenced by James and Sirius, I feared- was telling me to hell with Lycanthropy. Just snog her. And I was sorely tempted to do so.

But then something happened I definitely hadn't been expecting. Dora's shoulders shrugged in defeat, and she sighed, looking down at her feet again. Her face was blank, though I could still tell how depressed, how melancholy she was now that it appeared that she had lost. I bit my lip, fearing I had gone too far. If she did something rash, like Sirius… I would never forgive myself.

"Fine." She murmured, as a tear rolled down her cheek. She looked back up, all traces of defiance gone. "Fine. But I really am sorry, Remus. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you."

My jaw dropped. I didn't see how she could even think something like that! It was completely the other way round- she could do much better than poor old me.

"Sorry Molly, but I think I'll have to go…" She muttered, taking her cloak from beside a gob struck Molly- this obviously hadn't gone at all how she'd intended.

"Dora…Tonks…"

"Goodbye, Remus." She opened the door and stepped out into the cold. Suddenly, she turned. "I just wish you would let me love…" Her voice caught in her throat, and she left. I turned to Molly as it crashed on me- she really did mean it. She knew what could happen, she knew she could die- and she still didn't care. I almost smirked. She certainly liked living on the edge.

Molly smiled widely at me. "Well, go after her! You're not going to get another chance!" nodding, I ran out into the cold, shivering as the wind blasted through my feeble sweater. I ran up the lane, breathing heavily in the cold.

"Dora… wait!"

She turned just before apparating. "What? Did you come to wish me good luck in life?" she asked sarcastically.

I shook my head, still trying to catch my breath. "No… I just wanted to say… I understand now. I know that you don't care… and… well…" Why was it so hard to say? "I just wanted to say that I… I love you." I held my breath as she raised an eyebrow.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" she wondered aloud.

"I guess… I guess I was just being stubborn. You showed me that. So… if you still want me… I'm up for grabs. For keeps."

"Keeps?"

"If you want."

"Remus Lupin, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"

"I think so."

She came closer. "Is this a very rushed, disorganised proposal?"

I nodded nervously. "I love you." I said again.

"Do you mean it this time? You're not going to get cold feet and run off again?"

Taking a deep breath I shook my head, keeping my eyes glued on a twig at my feet.

Her small hands found their way into mine. "Alright then. You're on."

I looked up, hardly daring to believe it. She smiled at me. "I should probably make you wait a few antagonising weeks while I think about it… but we both know I want to stay with you. No matter what furry little problems come with you. I love you, Remus."

I grinned. "You mean it?" I asked breathlessly. I was still unsure where this proposal had come from… but it felt right. It made her happy. And if she was happy, so was i.

She nodded, burying her face in my chest. I pulled her close, sighing. She hiccoughed.

"Are you crying?" I asked incredulously.

She looked up at me- her face streaming with tears. "I'm happy, that's all, I swear!" she laughed, hiccoughing again. I chuckled with her, resting my chin on her head, breathing in the sweet scent I had missed for so long. Slipping a finger under her chin, I turned her face up. "I love you." I whispered, kissing her forehead.

"I know." She replied smugly, standing on tip toes. Laughing, I kissed her gently, one hand running down to sit in the small of her back, the other tangling in her hair. A pink strand blew in front of my face as her arms snaked around my neck.

Yes, everything was back to the way it should be.

**A/N: finally, sequel to the dark side of the moon, and the second instalment in the dark side quartet. Written with the help of the 178 moods challenge on hpfc. Read, review, rejoice for updates! Thank you!  
Tonks**


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